Polly

Writings and Witterings

Beyond The Pale

28 Comments

I agree with Brian from dVerse, the Carroll square poem is a beast to do!  Samuel Peralta is wicked!

Beyond The Pale

When he moves beyond the pale
he turns towards the darker man;
moves towards his blood host grimly,
beyond the blood mist, the gaols,
the darker host, the vampire child.
pale man grimly gaols child, defiled.

If a Carroll square poem works it can be read right to left and top to bottom. Below, I have spaced it to make reading it top to bottom easier and to show it more clearly:

Polly Stretton © 2012

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28 thoughts on “Beyond The Pale

  1. I’ve been trying this all work day 🙂 Thanks again for the idea. My attempt:

    Spring beckons, again, the falling sun.
    Beckons us to spring forward and
    again to dream alone in shade.
    The spring, alone, brings flowered breezes,
    falling forward in flowered scented winds.
    Sun and shade, breezes, winds; Spring.

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  2. Haven’t even worked out quite what it was they wanted us to do.
    I’m sure my three versions are all wrong.
    But interesting mechanically, at least the final one 🙂

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    • Aprille, I really like what you’ve done with your poems, much better than sticking to this wretched form that has exercised my pittance of a brain for almost an entire evening!

      Thank goodness I’ve finally managed to come up with something bloggable – the earlier version might have been technically there but it really was rubbish – heh-heh

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  3. Oh wow, I love this! Amazing, creepy tale. 🙂

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  4. Whoa, you have seriously made the hairs at the back of my neck stand on end. And to do this in the structure, that’s a feat. Well done.

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  5. What a pen of a darker man, chilling defiled images ~ Very well done with the form ~

    http://everydayamazin.blogspot.ca/2012/06/walk.html

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  6. great use of the form, you absolutely met the challenge and within a haunting expression, lovely ~ Rose

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  7. Looks like fun, and a good workout for the brain. I’ll have to try it sometime!

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  8. Awesome tackling of the form, you set a marvelous atmosphere. Wonderfully done!

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  9. I thought this was rich and dark and perfectly executed. Bravo!

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  10. Made my brain hurt just thinking about it…. Well done!

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  11. Oh wow this is brilliant – I’ve never seen this done before! I’m in awe 🙂

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  12. I have never before heard of a Carroll square poem. A very cool idea indeed. Normally when I am writing poetry, the structure most noticeable is a lack of any. This would be a challenge for me.

    Enjoyed your poem immensely,

    ~ Cara

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    • Oooh, thank you Cara. Same here re the ‘lack of any’! But it was fun to have a structure to consider and I may do more of it now 🙂

      Many thanks for your thoughts ~ Polly

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