I’ve had a couple of offline comments on the rhythm in the final lines of Artistry In The Malverns—some of you like the dissonance in the original final lines and say it makes the poem more interesting, less plodding, as it stops you and makes you think about what’s being said, and some of you don’t see how it fits and would like consistency.  Now, whilst this is largely down to your reading of the poem / your expectations of poetry / your personal preferences, it would be most interesting if you’d vote for the one you like best from the two versions below.

Just reply with A or B and a comment if you wish to make one 🙂

Here is the original of Artistry In The Malverns, let’s call it A:

A

Scented hot hay
hints of damp decay,
dank smouldering fires
smokey blue Shires.
Dogs’ yaps ricochet
on archaic byways.
Buzzards ride, sway,
swoop on small prey.
Fanthorpe and Auden
write of Malvern
Hills echo poets
with Elgar’s discern-
ing ear.

B

Scented hot hay
hints of damp decay,
dank smouldering fires
smokey blue Shires.
Dogs’ yaps ricochet
on archaic byways.
Buzzards ride, sway,
swoop on small prey.
Fanthorpe and Auden
write of Malvern Hills
that echo poets with
Elgar’s discerning ear.

Polly Stretton © 2012