four-year-old legs pumping running away
ma shouts after me ‘come back’ sister wails
ma is livid i pushed the bowl downstairs
this is how she sees it it is my fault
a tall ten-pint goldfish bowl three goldfish
i run down the meadow behind our house
it is hay-making time yellow grass scent
and dust tickle my nose and make me sneeze
sneeze stops me for long enough she catches
me i have glanced behind in my run and
seen her struggling with my little sister
but ma is grim-faced and determined that
i will be caught and punished it was an
accident i tripped knocked into the bowl
which bounced down each stair fish flying water
arcing the finest mirrored droplets splash
the sound of breaking glass tinkles downwards
she comes out of the kitchen babe on hip
and roars ‘nooooo’ i flee out the open door
my legs pump i feel my heart i hear my
breath coming jagged i smell the hay i
sneeze she catches me she screams thrashes me
and at each step thrashes me again all
up the meadow back into the house she
is crying hot angry tears me howling
mortified indignant rebellious
an accident i sob my jaw jutting
i am but four-years-old not sorry yet
Polly Stretton © 2012
‘For this week’s Poetics’ said Fred Rutherford aka Hobgoblin at dVerse, ‘I thought we could work in First Person Narrative.’ An opportunity to put up a favourite poem that appears in my poetry collection Girl’s Got Rhythm in which we see a four-year-old speak of injustice. And we might think about perspectives…
08/12/2012 at 20:39
not sorry yet…great closure…and intense scene as well ha…i have been there, an accident and running from mom…lol…its all about saving your keister at that point but….you gotta go home at some point…smiles….fun piece…poor fish…
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08/12/2012 at 20:54
Ha! Poor fish, indeed!
A fave poem on many different counts 🙂
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08/12/2012 at 20:42
I found myself reading faster and faster throughout. I enjoyed the narrative, and loved the ending…..and its meaning!
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08/12/2012 at 20:55
It’s amazing what no capitals and a total lack of punctuation does for us, ‘eh Mary?
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08/12/2012 at 20:43
Wonderful poem…brings back memories that’s for sure, the staying away for as long as you can… Mum always gets you in the end though!
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08/12/2012 at 20:56
For sure! That’s a given … maybe four year olds don’t know that yet …
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08/12/2012 at 20:46
oh my…brought back some childhood scenes as well…you brought the scene so vividly to life and i feel so sad for the fish as well..smiles
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08/12/2012 at 20:57
Many seem to have similar memories ~ thanks Claudia 🙂
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08/12/2012 at 20:48
Oh, this is one of my favorites of yours–I remember it!
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08/12/2012 at 20:58
Gosh Susan … from the book? I’m impressed 🙂
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08/12/2012 at 20:59
LOL, not yet, though I’m planning on buying it–I think you shared this before, I remember it 😉
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08/12/2012 at 21:03
Blimey! Now I’m even more impressed! It was up momentarily sometime in August … I hereby name you ‘Memory Woman’ 🙂
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08/12/2012 at 21:05
LOL, I have an eidetic memory, my dear. Works great for writing… Not so good for other things you WANT to forget…
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08/12/2012 at 21:06
See? I must be a psy chic or something 😉
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08/12/2012 at 21:07
🙂
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08/12/2012 at 20:52
glad you included this piece with us tonight. A great share, really like the point of view here
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08/12/2012 at 21:01
Ooh, Fred, is that you? A different name … great prompt if it is you ~ gosh you’re like Fred if you’re someone else !!!!! 🙂
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08/12/2012 at 21:49
Neat story. Nicely told. I don’t recall anything like that, personally, but then I had three brothers to blame.
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08/12/2012 at 21:52
You weren’t the biggest brother, then, Al?
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08/12/2012 at 21:56
so wonderful and so full of feeling
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08/12/2012 at 21:57
Thanks Chris ~ good to see you
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08/12/2012 at 23:09
Like the way your pacing conveys the adrenaline rush of the events unfolding.
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08/12/2012 at 23:11
Thank you, Nara ~ it’s extraordinary how many people comment on the pace. I like that 🙂
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09/12/2012 at 01:17
Fast-paced and true to a toddler’s ways.
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09/12/2012 at 06:24
Glad to see it rang true for you, Laurie
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09/12/2012 at 03:07
Wonderful headlong pace here! k.
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09/12/2012 at 06:26
Good to see you enjoyed it, k. It is pretty full-on … but then, small children often are, I find.
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09/12/2012 at 05:26
….an on-point piece…very clever… totally reminded me of my childhood days when i used to, often, do the same running… and running ’til you get caught yet still not guilty and which too predictable for somebody so young and vivacious… ..and yay poor fish… amazing read… smiles…
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09/12/2012 at 09:20
Oh boy, good to see the running / catching familiar and that sense of being ‘not guilty’ … and yet, and yet … the child did knock the fish bowl over, the mother was having a heavy day: middle of cooking / carrying younger child around etc when this ( on top of everything else?) occurs … Must say I have some sympathy for the mother here too 🙂
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09/12/2012 at 11:06
Amazing memory. All that detail from four years old. You obviously enjoyed writing this, and I sure enjoyed reading it! Well done.
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09/12/2012 at 11:08
Thank you, David. Pleased to see you enjoyed ‘not sorry yet’ ~ not wholly memory as more interested in exploring perceptions of the same incident ~ how would the mother see this? I think we know how the child sees it 🙂
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09/12/2012 at 16:40
I love the way this is written – it pulls you through the story so well. And we all have that kind of story somewhere in our memories, so it is easyily relatable.
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09/12/2012 at 16:44
Thank you Tony, it went through several formats before realising it needed no capitals and no punctuation to make it just right for the four-year-old’s voice ~ thanks for commenting.
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09/12/2012 at 17:15
Awesome write, Polly! You nailed the scene and character, and the story flowed wonderfully. Very enjoyable read. and, it wasn’t a goldfish bowl, but, been there done that.
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09/12/2012 at 17:17
So many memories stirred by this one, Charles 😉
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09/12/2012 at 18:58
Accidents happen and at four, no, they haven’t really learned to be sorry yet…lol
Poor fish, I would have run too.
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09/12/2012 at 19:24
heh-heh … you sure have a way with words, Bren 😀
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09/12/2012 at 21:34
Wow. Love the mix (of the adult voice in the four-year-old saying exactly what I reckon the four-year-old would say), and the breathlessness and the thrill of having done wrong and hoping to get away – it’s all there. Good one, Polly (not only if I think it is).
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09/12/2012 at 23:30
Ah-ha! Roland! How lovely to see you visiting my blog! Hope all is well with you ~ so pleased to see you like ‘not sorry yet’ 🙂 x
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09/12/2012 at 23:29
Poignant, sad memory. It made me tear up for that little girl to whom I’m sending a virtual hug.
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09/12/2012 at 23:34
I love you Victoria ~ what a lovely post on this poem xx
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10/12/2012 at 03:19
ah… those little ones are something
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10/12/2012 at 06:36
They seem to be figuring in one or two of my more recent posts … hmmm.
Thank you so much for visiting and for your comment.
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10/12/2012 at 08:15
Good one, Polly. “last night’s garlic was good last night” is great, both as a ‘one-liner’ and the way it takes up the sound of the chackety chack. Also the squeeze on the tube that is there in the poem (and the other tube, the toothpaste one)
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10/12/2012 at 09:06
Ah, you’re commenting on ‘Morning Town Ride’ 🙂 You’ll have gathered it’s about London in the summer heat (though the tube’s not that very different in winter [!]) Lots going on in that poem ~ it was great that it was chosen for the first edition of Nain Rouge. Now that you’ve a blog you might take a look at dVerse poets, they give some smashing prompts and are very generous with their comments if you do the same for them. http://www.dversepoets.com 🙂
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10/12/2012 at 13:32
AAHHH Got it LOL LOVE LOVE LOVE the ENDING!!!
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10/12/2012 at 13:51
heh-heh … what a great reaction! Love that you got it and love the ending 🙂 Cool ‘eh? Welcome to my blog, Jasmine.
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10/12/2012 at 14:06
WELL THANK YOU For having me! And making me feel WELCOME!!!
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10/12/2012 at 19:14
That’s crushingly intense!
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10/12/2012 at 19:15
Yes.
In what way do you find it intense?
Thanks for comment, Seb.
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10/12/2012 at 19:18
because you can’t breathe in it. about 6 lines in you take a gasp and you have to hold it to the end. Your eyes can move off the page because you are afraid the words will either run away or sneak up behind you and clobber you with a backjack. Stuff like that.
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10/12/2012 at 19:19
Yessssssss …
It’s a challenge … 😀
Do breathe, though … even without the punctuation, you are allowed to breathe 🙂
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10/12/2012 at 20:36
Wow Polly, I haven’t been by in a while and THIS is what I come back too!! I could feel that one. Really Really terrific piece!!
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10/12/2012 at 20:47
Thanks Maggie, good to see you. What’s your focus just now, babe? You’re not blogging so much … do I sense a poetry collection coming up?
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10/12/2012 at 20:54
🙂 Yes!!! I’m so excited. It should be out this coming Spring. I’ve been invited to participate in a couple anthologies, as well so I have been working on that, but mostly the collection. I feel bogged down with time though between that and my regular day job. I’m on my lunch break now and am happy I got a moment to come visit you here ❤
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10/12/2012 at 20:59
MaggieMae! I’m so excited for you! How fabulous! Have you done choosing the cover and all that sort of stuff yet? Wow!
Know what you mean about getting bogged down, esp when you have a day job too. I’ve always had to have a day job otherwise … well, who’s to say? We make our choices.
So, so, happy for you. It will be wonderful to have your very own collection come out. I shall be watching for it avidly. 🙂
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10/12/2012 at 21:09
Thanks Polly 🙂 I’m not to the cover part yet. The publisher asked for 600 more lines X_x LOL. I’m busy still losing my mind on that part. But, I’m excited for the rest of it. I’ll let you know when I know the release date.
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10/12/2012 at 21:15
heh-heh, that would be wonderful, I shall so look forward to hearing when it’s to be released. I take it you’ve got your copy of Girl’s Got Rhythm? (my poetry collection that came out in October)!
only 600 lines? nothing to you m’dear, you can do those in coffee break 😀
wishing you the very best with it Maggie, so pleased for you xx
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10/12/2012 at 21:23
I haven’t got a copy of yours!! I now recall reading that you had one coming out. How terrible am I?? You have the link to it on your blog? I can’t wait to check it out ❤
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10/12/2012 at 21:27
Oh, you are a one! Just for you, here’s the link to Kindle (at Amazon.com) if you want the ebook: http://www.amazon.com/Girls-Got-Rhythm-Polly-Robinson-ebook/dp/B00JR60I3C/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1413442805&sr=1-1&keywords=girl%27s+got+rhythm
Now, don’t say I don’t do anything for you! heh-heh 🙂
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12/12/2012 at 17:45
Just reread this. As the grindstone rears its granite head I wonder if I might be allowed to use this on/with my students when I do Interior Monologue. I really think it is very good – and it is also an example of how the choice of a title is important. Great stuff this, it really is.
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12/12/2012 at 17:52
You are very welcome to use this on/with your students, Roland. I would love to see their feedback: good, bad and ugly 🙂
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16/12/2012 at 11:26
One of my favourites!! 🙂
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16/12/2012 at 12:27
Aw, I loved the review you did of my poetry collection ‘Girl’s Got Rhythm’, here’s a link to it for other’s to see: Alex’s review
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