Writings and Witterings

An Unexpected Wedding Guest


Bear with me in this story,
I promise it is true,
I know it seems unlikely
And to me it was quite new.
A different experience,
P’rhaps, familiar to you.
Though I would have to say,
I hope it’s not repeated.
I was bewildered, quite bemused,
At the way this thing was treated.

I went to a friend’s wedding.
The couple grinned at guests,
Their families stood around and smiled,
And helped them press the flesh.
Champagne poured, flowed freely,
There were snacks. And one guest figured
It would be fun … a
Big surprise …
That guest brought a lizard.

Yes, you heard me right,
A lizard.

At a wedding reception.

A lizard.

At a wedding reception.

I may be wrong to be so shocked,
But the case is this, you see,
A lizard at a wedding
Seemed peculiar, to me.
I thought they had to live in tanks,
Or be left wild and free, in
Australia, or somewhere,
Where other lizards be.

I’m not talking of a British eft,
Not talking something small,
This was a bearded dragon
With spikey teeth and all.
Clawed feet, googly eyes,
I saw them, from a distance.
A yellow skinny kind of thing,
No denying its existence.
It had a ruffle round its throat,
Just like a dancer’s boa,
Like you might wear to fancy dress
To be thought a ‘real goer.’

It wasn’t all imagined,
I swear this story’s true;
I saw it just as clearly as
Right now, I can see you.
Its forked tongue flickered in and out,
Its eyelids ticked and flared,
It seemed to look right at me,
I’ll admit it, I was scared.

And I’d never seen a lizard
Strut its funky stuff … on
A dance floor,
While the owner,
Stroked its erect ruff.
It eye-popped ~ freaky eye thing ~
Bulging as it yawned,
I felt myself grow hot,
As around it people swarmed,
Stroking and a’poking, giving it a welcome.
I felt sorry for the thing,
For it seems that lizards seldom
Like to share a cage or space.
The crowd gathered momentum.

Talking of the owner,
He took a sandwich next,
No hand washing for him,
Eewww, it made me want to retch.
The lizard seemed not bothered,
In fact, he was quite keen,
He could be vegetarian,
Or not, when meat was seen.
They said, ‘Don’t give him ham,
‘Don’t! He is a lizard.
‘It won’t be great if ham gets stuck,
‘Right inside his gizzard.’

It was only me who moithered,
Only me who shivered,
Dreading that the critter,
A skinny yellow lizard,
Might look askance at me,
As its head bobbed and quivered.
Yet, no mishap overcame him,
I watched where I was treading.
You see, all this was new to me,
A lizard at a wedding.

Polly Robinson © 2013

A post for OpenLinkNight78 at dVerse ~ hosted tonight by Tashtoo

This image shows a close-up photo of a bearded...

This image shows a close-up photo of a bearded dragon head (Pogona vitticeps). (Photo credit: Wikipedia)


30 thoughts on “An Unexpected Wedding Guest

  1. A wedding to remember!


  2. What a great piece. Such wonderful imagery; I swear I was there. But I definitely cringed at the not washing hands before sandwich-eating part. Lizards like to harbor Salmonella. Eww. 😉


  3. This is great, Polly! Nothing makes a better story than the odd and unexpected … and how boring life would be without. 😀


  4. I’m racking my brain trying to think of a reason why someone would take a pet lizard to a wedding reception. Couldn’t find a lizard-sitter? LOL. Great story and great poem. 🙂


  5. hahahahahahahahahaha … ‘lizard sitter’ heh-heh … love it ~ lol ~ glad you enjoyed it, David.


  6. hahaha this is awesome….seriously there are somethings too strange not to believe…and i have seen a few wierd things in my day, but this was a fun read…cool rhythm to keep the story going and i bet it def was a sight to see….lol…


  7. An amazing story worked into an amazing poem! Yikes…..what gets into some people????


  8. haha…now that is very cool in a way… love the flow of your story telling here polly…haha…fun


  9. Yes we have plenty here but we don’t take them to weddings. Strange. Enjoyed this tale Polly 🙂


  10. Lol….terrific! Made me smile, thank you 🙂


  11. What a terrific poem ! Made me think of Alice in Wonderland 🙂


  12. A poem to make you grin from ear to ear! Loved it – I bet the bride wasn’t impressed!!


  13. Totally NUTS!!! Not you, Polly, the crazy freak who would bring a lizard to a wedding! Yikes! And I loved every word of your unbelievably true account. :~)


  14. As soon as I saw the title I smiled. This has a real Wendy Cope feel to it, that sense of indignance is pitch perfect. Should it be ‘retch’ rather than ‘wretch’?


  15. I have heard of cold-blooded party crashers before but this one takes the cake, every one of the five tiers. Wonderful tail, I mean tale.


  16. heh-heh, takes the cake, heh-heh … I’m beginning to think I might have imagined it! 😀


  17. Ah, this was the one I missed! I can see why you’d pick this for spoken word as it’s very rhythmic and playful. Nice bit of storytelling – makes me think of urban myths!


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