Polly

Writings and Witterings

A Homophonic Translation

39 Comments

This poem is a homophonic translation of the Romanian poem shown below.
hom·o·phon·ic (hm-fnk, hm-)
adj.
1. Having the same sound.
2. Having or characterized by a single melodic line with accompaniment.
(http://www.thefreedictionary.com/homophonic retrieved August 2014)

Aster

Remember the candid face
of aster casual and simple,
white aster strives
near a fiery red temple.

The stamen and the sepal,
the white petal, a pure pearl
seed ready and ripe,
harvest of floral jewel.

Pollen showers over
a pride of triumvate yellow
soon to be finished.
The number one cell.

No sense of cowardice
but brave, courageous, proud.
No comparison,
no pretence, torment, advantage.

Remember the candid face
of aster casual and simple,
white aster strives
near a fiery red temple.

A vision, a longing
laid before auras;
forests of fire,
the flames cleanse.

Polly Stretton © 2014

________

A challenge from Marina Sophia this week at dVerse, she asks us to interpret the Romanian poem below. A little ironic for me as some of my poems were translated into Romanian recently. The one you see above is what occurred to me after trying to read it out loud and failing dismally. I went with what seemed to come out of the shape of the words, something to do with flowers (probably completely off the mark, but we’re promised a translation later!) this was fun — thanks Marina 🙂

Ne-om aminti cândva târziu
de-aceasta întâmplare simpla,
de-aceasta banca unde stam
tâmpla fierbinte lânga tâmpla.

De pe stamine de alun,
din plopii albi, se cerne jarul.
Orice-nceput se vrea fecund,
risipei se deda Florarul.

Polenul cade peste noi,
în preajma galbene troiene
alcatuieste-n aur fin.
Pe umeri cade-ne si-n gene.

Ne cade-n gura când vorbim,
si-n ochi, când nu gasim cuvântul.
Si nu stim ce pareri de rau
ne tulbura, piezis, avântul.

Ne-om aminti cândva târziu
de-aceasta întâmplare simpla,
de-aceasta banca unde stam
tâmpla fierbinte lânga tâmpla.

Visând, întrezarim prin doruri –
latente-n pulberi aurii –
paduri ce ar putea sa fie
si niciodatã nu vor fi.

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39 thoughts on “A Homophonic Translation

  1. I think you have it right; I was way off base and my poem developed a life of its own. Very good!

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  2. i love the nature touches in your translation…the forest…surely fire purifies…the floral jewels…
    i like the references of them as the temple as well…as the forest often is for me…smiles.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I really like your approach – let it wash over you and make something real of the poem. I’ve enjoyed this prompt – I didn’t read the directions and translated a different poem. But these were fun to read – and yours is truly beautiful.

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  4. I think you have taken a beautiful approach – let it wash over you.

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    • I found your comment this morning, Margaret, as you suspected it was lurking in the filthy spam box. I’ve dusted it off and approved it. Thank you so much for commenting 🙂

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  5. Such a lovely interpretation ~ I love the flowery muse, the harvest of flowery jewel ~ This part really is amazing:

    No sense of cowardice
    but brave, courageous, proud.
    No comparison,
    no pretence, torment, advantage.

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  6. Lovely translation Polly. It is amazing what we see in the words isn’t it, you saw flowers I saw tarts. I enjoyed your take, well done.

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  7. “Remember the candid face
    of aster casual and simple,
    white aster strives
    near a fiery red temple.”—-Trickles through my brain with such fluidity. Love it. (I don’t have to understand the concept of Homophonic Translation to enjoy the words. 🙂 )

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    • That’s heartening! Love that the first stanza ‘trickles’ 🙂 I’d never heard the term ‘homophonic translation’ before and misread it, but I see the meaning is about sound and rhythm…

      I don’t recall a prompt like this at dVerse before—it was a nice surprise 🙂

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  8. What you found echoing in the phonics is nearly a classic form; the definition of our prompt said to pay to refrains & rhyme; very nice job on this one. We have no use for a literal translation with this challenge anyway. I like your lines /pollen showers over/a pride of triumvate yellow/soon to be finished/.

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    • Thanks Glenn—I’m looking forward to the proper translation, can’t wait! 😉

      Lovely to see you enjoyed my interpretation.

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  9. this has the feel of a ballad, a lovely one at that. Nice

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  10. The way you capture the nature images into love is probably close to the original intentions… You have captured a wonderful poem.

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  11. Oh clever poet: your version makes sense, even if it’s not a true translation. You’ve made a real poem. Bravo.

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  12. Wow, Polly, there must be a natural link between you and Romanian poetry, because you’ve captured the ballad-like quality perfectly here! Without giving away any secrets, the floral vision, the forest, the longing are all spot-on. Really like your interpretation.

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  13. very cool…love the pure pearl (i read pear first what i found cool as well- ha) and the forest of fire… well done – i like how you seem to have captured the spirit of it

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  14. forests of fire
    the flames cleanse
    Great interpretation Polly. It will be interesting to see the actual translation. However your last line will stay with me well through the winter. Soon those forests will be all around us.

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  15. Mmmm…funny thing with languages, as time goes by I find myself more interested in languages other than English 🙂

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  16. I think you did wonderful… the forest-y/nature sense that’s seasoned throughout this write is awesome. And the ending in flames – nice…

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  17. I love this: “Remember the candid face
    of aster”

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  18. I am in awe that you created beauty and coherence rather than nonsense.

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  19. Aw, thanks Rosemary 🙂

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